This year, I ate lunch by myself. A lot.
Yes, everyone eats lunch by themselves. It's a fact of life. But in high school, people like to pretend that it isn't, and eating lunch by yourself is made to seem 'lonely' or 'sad'. I wasn't so lonely or sad, or maybe I was, but I didn't let myself think or feel that way. Instead I felt like I was being independent. I felt like I wasn't bogging anyone down, and I felt like I wasn't being bogged down. But being independent isn't quite so fun when it becomes routine.
The thing about this is not that I'm on a sorry search for friends. I'll make friends. I have to, it's inevitable. Maybe all I want to say is that, as 'fun' or 'cool' as it feels to say maybe that one little mean thing, that you don't 'mean' but you say anyways, is, it sometimes maybe hurts enough to kind of make someone feel like you don't want them there. It might even result in someone eating lunch by themselves for nearly the whole year. Maybe your little vibe of "i don't want you here" does get the message across enough and does make someone feel like you don't want them there.
Again, don't feel sorry for me. I'm not sorry over it. (or maybe a little, but not devastatingly.) Just think about your actions. Think about your glances, think about your words. I don't mean to blame anyone for being 'mean' to me, I just hope to suggest that everyone has tricky times, and you never know who's time your making tricky or even trickier.
I really love this video. You should watch it. I really love what is said at the end...
"Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life." -Thomas S. Monson
It's a chance to learn, like everything is. And I can take it as a grain of salt, and be glad that this year I learned more than ever that home is the happiest place I can think of, and that family is the most important thing ever. So, Jr. Year taught me to be more aware. To notice the people sitting alone, to notice the people inching away, to notice the sound of someone's words and notice their expression. It taught me to be less self conscious. When you let go of all of your insecurities that's when you'll be able to reach out, and others might even feel able to reach out to you too.
I hope this says what I hope it says.
Thank you for being so sweet!